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November 7th, 2004

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November 5th, 2004

05:59 pm - Hmmm... WELL people, i have not been on here in forever. things have been hard with everything in my life recently and worst in the past couple of weeks. my mom had her surgery this week and everything came out all alright. i wish i were there for her in Pittsburgh b/c im her daughter and thats what daughters do. previous weeks i would think about the dramam going on and just a single thought of it would make me terribly upset. this is so hard to deal with including school and now juggling the two? i wish it were much more easier. my house it so weird coming home to now these days bc everything has its own room. things are not how they used to be and its just not in order like it should have been. this f**kin sucks b/c it does. and if you cant see why not then you are not just with it. right now im so hungry and want to eat before i have to go to sleep! Current Mood: blah Current Music: Adema - So Fortunate

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September 13th, 2004

03:16 pm - Yea it's been a long time... Since I have been at school I have been having the time of my life. This is definately the "college" experience. Me and Lizzie are always doing the salsa on the floor when no one else is and everyone watches us! HAH! its awesome. The first night we went out was aug 31 and it was crazy we didnt get ided at all for drinks! Then this past friday night i got so wasted and went out it was freaking awesome! I got 2 southern comfort glo sticks and a coors light t-shirt. AWESOME! well thats about it. I am coming home this thursday night and see ya'll soon! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: A Perfect Circle - The Outsider

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September 10th, 2004

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August 22nd, 2004

09:45 pm - Yea ok! How Love-Smart are you? Young Einstein! When it comes to love you know your stuff. It's obvious that you understand how the opposite sex think, what they like and how you can make them happy. Hey why don't you rewrite the book of love! How Love-Smart are you? Find out at DatingTips.ws Only if that was true!

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August 18th, 2004

11:50 pm - Updating So I know i have not posted anything in like forever it's because i hardly get enough time to breathe, well i do, but just no timee for this writing shit, bc ill have to write when i get back to school. but yesterday sara and i went shopping at woodbury commons, that was a good time EXCEPT when and where ever we turned our back there was a damn hicidic jew. and let me tell you how F'IN rude they are. cant be polite and say excuse me if their life depended on it. but i got an outfit yesterday for school. What a STEAL on these jeans i got. originally they were $180, but the smart shopper i am, there was a sale and only spent a total of $27 on them. how good of a deal is that? MARVELOUS!! then i got a "fcuk" shirt and that was originally $39 and got it for only a mere $18. and it was a lot of fun. but other things in my life have not been so hot bc it just isnt. so in a lil over a week i got to school. am i excited yes, sad yes that too. i am going to miss my Lover the most and all my friends and new friends. but all i have to say is that ya'll better be making your way up bc you dont know what your missing. and friday is my last day of work, so next week i will be free the entire time so if you want to see me or do something before i go, let me know so i can spend at few minutes of my precious time with you before i leave and go for a while. Current Mood: content

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August 11th, 2004

04:58 pm - Well... Which LJ friends will you sleep with? LJ Username Favorite Color redblueyellowpurplegreenorangepinkwhiteblackbrown Are you drunk? Sex in the backseat of a car erin_fitgirl Sex at a democratic convention bighughjazz Sex on a nude beach bighughjazz Hottest sex of your life erin_fitgirl Sex rating - 87% Number of times you will orgasm 343 This fun quiz by akasha82 - Taken 61667 Times. </a> New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice! A lot of things have been going on lately and there are a lot of changes that need to be done. how quickly everything is going to take place i do not know. i wish i could turn back time to sunday then some things wouldn't be a heartache for some and others. things were said at the wrong time and the whole turnout was wrong. thats all i can say for now. later Current Mood: frustrated

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August 9th, 2004

09:56 am - IDK feeling pretty shitty Current Mood: sad

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August 2nd, 2004

12:57 am who were you in a past life? Name / Username hair color brown eye color teal age of death 19 died fihting This QuickKwiz by mentally-dumb - Taken 22250 Times. </a> New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz WTF is fihting?

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July 28th, 2004

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July 27th, 2004

01:35 am - Carazay Tonight was so fun! First started off with going to megan's. me and liz go there in my car to see meg and jess. we are there talking a while to meg's bro about his driving test, then we leave to go to YMCA. we go there bc they had a plan to "borrow" some items and also bc lizzies sissy got out around 930 or so. so we get there and our plan is f'ed up by other people working there. usually her sissy works alone monday nights therefore it wouldn't be a problem but tonight there was. then i just took a candy bar for me and peanut m&m's for meg and we were outta there. then we decide to go to shoprite and park mine and megs car there, we hop into jess's car. we drive around to the "known" places and no one was there. we stopped at t/h and guess who showed up? big ran and sara i ran aftger them as they pulled into the lot bc it was fun. so they get out, but we leave when they do and jess's check engine light comes on and she ends the driving quick which was ok. we go back to shoprite and pick up our cars. lizzie comes with me then we went to mady's and ck, tanya, ran, sara were there. they are all playin vice city and it was so funny bc sara bought a meat cleever..haha..so then mike decides to go to bed and then we leave even though he said just to turn everything off when we left. so me and liz decide to drive around bc she felt like being evil tonight and she turned me into it too. so, we decide to be "incognito" and came up with "F" for liz and "Z" for me. we had to pick something that was not related to us in any way shape or form. we spyed on our victim till we lost him in port. during our whole thing i was playin all sorts of music so we are on our way to shoprite for the last time and on our way there the cop was behind us. and i was not worried bc i didnt do anything wrong. so we make it to shoprite and turn around. we are at the light by andmore and make that left. and at the other light was that ccop again. so we are playin and singin bon jovi havin a good ol time. so he gets behid us again and i turn to go home, then stop by the train underpass. complete stop and all, so then i go through and he follows me and then puts his flashers on. i was like wtf i didnt do anything wrong. so he comes to my car with his bright mag lite and i knew who it was...Sgt. Flynn which is the father of the one boy i used to read to at the library, so he told me why he pulled me over.l for blasting bin jovi and there is a noise oridance law. so i talked to him briefly and was then on my marry way. that was a fun night! Current Mood: tired

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July 24th, 2004

09:00 pm - Ah Your LiveJournal Love Life LJ Username You are lusted after by: erin_fitgirl You will be seen naked by: erin_fitgirl You will have casual sex with: bighughjazz You will be loved by: girl_nxt_dor_5 You will fall in love with: lizzier5739 You will end up with: xxxrubyxxx This quiz by butterkitty - Taken 60066 Times. </a> New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice! Oh no, this is not looking good for me at all. :-/ Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Colorblind ~ Counting Crows

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July 21st, 2004

02:48 pm - Here it is folks... Part 1 -- The Basics what's your name? ::: Vanessa Birthplace ::: Middletown, thank god! Age ::: 19 Age you act ::: 19 Current location ::: parents house Eye color ::: brown Hair color ::: right now it's dark brown with red and blonde highlights Right, lefty or ambidextrous? ::: righty Zodiac sign? ::: cancer the crab and no i dont have crabs Height? ::: 5'10 Part 2 -- Describe... Your heritage/nationality ::: welsh, cherokee indian, white*ha*, german Your hair ::: how i want it to be Your fears ::: death and never find someone Your perfect room ::: black including the ceiling with glow in the dark paint splattered everywhere What you practically do in a day ::: it depends i work unless i have off and do wtf i want to Part 3 -- What is/are... Words you overuse ::: aol words like: wtf, omg, lol, etc. Phrases you overuse ::: if i knew i'd tell you Your first thought when you wake up ::: ugh do i have to work Your greatest accomplishments::: hangin out with the greatest bunch of people ever. Something you want to do ::: have world peace..doesn't everyone! ha Part 4 -- this or that Pepsi or Coke ::: coke McDonald's or Burger Kings ::: neither... WENDY'S Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera ::: christina Chocolate or vanilla ::: a twist Adidas or Nike ::: Adidas Black or white ::: maloto Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) ::: bling Burgers or hot dogs ::: depends on the mood Egypt or France ::: france, its no beautiful especially nice(the southern riveria) Rock or rap ::: both Part 5 -- Do you... Smoke ::: YUCK Cuss ::: fucking yea bitches Sing well ::: doesn't everyone alone in their cars! Sing in the shower ::: nah, i have better things to do in there JK Talk to yourself --a lot-- ::: when i dont know what to do Believe in yourself ::: at times Like taking these longass surveys? ::: i feel compelled to Play an instrument ::: i have better things to do with my lips Want to go to college? ::: in already Want to get married? ::: mmm hmm Want to have children? ::: yea 3-4 Think you're a health freak? ::: not at all, you only live once Get along with your parents ::: yea Get along with your siblings? ::: now that im older and not mean Think you're popular ::: hell, u tell me Part 6 -- in the past month have you.. Gone out of state ::: yea Drank alchohal ::: fuck yea smoke:::no Get high ::: not yet Done any drugs ::: medicine wise? yeah Eaten an entire box of oreos ::: u want me to get sick Been on stage ::: yea this year too Gone skinny dipping :::topless down the river if that counts Been dumped ::: played yes Dyed your hair ::: yes Stolen anything ::: in my younger days Part 7 -- Your friends! Craziest ::: em Loudest ::: em, mike and sara Most shy ::: me at times Blondest ::: SARA Smartest ::: em is so good Kindest ::: tanya Best personality ::: mike Most talented ::: who the f knows Best singer ::: no one. ha Most ghetto ::: mike Drama Queen ((or King XP)) ::: sara bc we are through and i hear her bitch all the time Pain in the ass ::: everyone The one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style))::: ALEX Funniest ::: mady Best person for advice ::: em my home girl Dependable ::: em, mike, sara, randi...all ya'll Trustworthy ::: em, randi, mady Druggie ::: sara & randi...ha Most likely to end up in jail ::: that corner whore they call sara! ;-) Person you've known the longest ::: em Part 8 -- The last... Last dream ::: It was good and i dont even 'member it Last nightmare ::: who cares Car ride ::: as in what running errands today or on a long trip which was a couple weeks ago Last time you cried ::: today to my g-ma and em Last movie seen ::: movies-dodgeball/dvd-aswang(weird ass movie) Last movie rented ::: who knows Last book read ::: who reads? Last word said ::: oh Last curse word said ::: shit, fuck, bitch...one of them Last time you laugh ::: today at em's Last phone call ::: like 20 min ago with my mom telling her i saw my squirrel lying on its tummy. Last CD played ::: my mix Last song you listened to ::: mobb deep-got it twisted...HA SARA Last annoyance ::: doing this f'in thing Last IM ::: the corner whore Last weird encounter ::: umm, i guess that means to long ago Last person you hugged ::: em saying bye and love her Last person you yelled at ::: idk bc im not the mean type Last time you wore a skirt ::: like the 10 of july to my uncles surprise party Last time you've been evil ::: last night to liz days car Sarcastic? ::: all the time Last time you fought with your parents : last night with my dad Last time you wished upon a star ::: no idea Played Truth or Dare ::: not in a long time Spent quality time alone ::: all the time Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! Are you talking to someone on AIM ::: no bc no one loves me and have no friends Do you feel lonely ::: kinda, but not ina lil bit bc i get to see my lover in a few Ever TP'd someone's house ::: no How about egging someone's house ::: im telling you im not like that Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? ::: eminem not bc he got skinny and looks weird and 50 cent looks like a gorilla Yo Momma ::: fuck yo momma Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? ::: sure why not, better than nothing What do you think of George Bush? ::: PLEASE Any secret fetishes? ::: guys that have nipple rings Do you like to wear chains? O_o ::: am i gangsta enough to? How many languages do you speak? ::: 2 English and some spanish Current Mood: crappy

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July 20th, 2004

08:22 pm - Lately I haven't written in forever, but things are looking up which is great. Tonight I am going to see my friend Kris for the last time for a long time. He is joining the Navy, I give him so much credit for doing this especially at a time like this. I am going to miss him a lot even though I haven't hung out with him much lately. He has been there for me a lot when things got hard and I can tell him a lot. He's a good kid I love him! I have been working a lot lately, this week I was suppose to work 27 hours, but he needed to cut some so I got to get out a hour early. And next week is looking bare prolly for hours too, but it's good and bad ya know! I wanted to try and work as much as I can, but also not because I want to hang with my friends. Tonight was going good until my dad came home. It all started with him not coming home for dinner because I never see him anymore. Yet he says it's my fault because I go out every night, but the real problem is that he does not come home till 7/730 at night. So tonight I called him 2x and the second time I left a message it was kinda of attitudy, but he deserved it on my part. Then he gets home and says something like this "...second wife and soon I won't have any." Isn't that just so FUCKING nice to say right in front of me. So I take it he does not want anything to do with me anymore. As long as I know he could be cheating on my mom because he did when I was really young. Anyways so if I seem not to cheery it's because of that. :-( Current Mood: sad Current Music: I Like That - Houston ft. Chingy

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July 8th, 2004

09:31 am - I don't understand Why is it that things go good with people, then all of a sudden one person is confused about things. I just don't know what to do. And do not understand why either. It feels like I was just played AGAIN. I do not know what to do about it or how to deal with it. In the beginning I never thought it would go anywhere, but it did and I liked the direction it was going, but then I don't know why it had to stop. I always think it's my fault when something happens. Is this person afraid of something, if they are of what, me going to school and hurt them? But I don't know if they knew I really did like them a lot and didn't see anything wrong with what was happening. I know that they have been having a hard time recently, but maybe I was just to much. Who knows... When I saw them last night I just ignored them, not that I wanted to. I had to, it felt weird and I just wanted to really look and go talk, but I didn't. It may have looked like I was a bitch that is because I am upset and I am hurt. If they didn't want anything then why did this go on for 2 months not saying anything? I don't know what to do. You think people are different than the rest, but are they? They say they are confused, but I am the one who was confused the entire time. Last night when I was at Mady's apt. and saw this person there, it was so hard for me to ignore him. One of the hardest things ever, but I had to do it because I had to look like it did not bother me. It really did and I was not trying to be a bitch, but to prove a point. The entire time I was there I just wanted to look and around(due to my back facing them) and say something like it was normal. I did feel weird going there and not saying one thing at all not even a "Hi." That took courage from me instead of giving in and saying something. I wish I could turn back time and take it back some steps, but I could not even tell you what those steps were. Also one thing that most girls are is demanding. I was never like that at least to my knowledge. I was one of those its doesn't matter do what you want kind of people. What more could you ask for. *lol* I guess it must not of been anything, then huh? If they say they were confused now, what were they when I asked earlier, they said we were something, but never clearly said what that something was. To many people it appeared to them we were more that just that. And then all of a sudden when it comes to my birthday they are confused. When they asked me if I wanted anything for it I said nothing. Yet, they clearly kept asking what I wanted and nothing I said. Is it the word committment that scares them or the fear of the word college? Whatever it is and if anyone could tell me please do. Another thing is that my parents liked them a lot and my dad was even going to make some calls for them if they wanted him to. Ans then following day I asked my dad what he thought of them. He said they seemed like a nice person. The night they were suppose to come eat with me for my birthday and couldn't come bc they had to do something, my parents said we will have to do this again soon, so that they could come the next time. My parents usually are not like that with people, but they were with this one. I just don't see where it started to get wierd or was it going too fast? I didn't see where it was, unless it was in the very beginning. It's so hard for me to trust that certain group because I have been hurt by them too many times. And what is the funny thing is that their species never thinks the other person will find out about what is going on or why they are acting "funny" the truth might not come out from them but you will find out. Maybe there should be a break, who knows... Current Mood: frustrated

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July 7th, 2004

03:35 pm - Why? Well, yesterday was my birthday. It was going good until about when i got home. That's where it turned bad. I come home to my mom crying bc of my dad. and my mom was so upset therefore it makes me upset and i dont want to cry infront of her because it makes her cry even harder. who the fuck says to their wife blood is thicker than water and says to the wife you are water? and then i find out that he also says they are not going to grow old together either. why doesnt he have to be such a fucking asshole like that. but this boils down to my fucking grandma that has to say shit to my dad bc my mom and her had words. she is the one who BETRAYED me. i thought she would never do something like this. so why do i even want to talk to her anymore. i dont know what to do. should i say something or not? only if she knew the heartache she caused this whole family. so if i seem somewhat depressed last night into today, that is why. i hate things like this because it hurts me the most whether my dad knows it or not. and i just hate the thought of the word "divorce" bc its the most horrifying work to me. this is the last thing i ever would want i try and fix things, but that gets so tiring. and i would hate to choose sides. i wish i could just wave a magic wand over my home and fix things. things like this make me want to shrivel up and not exist anymore. i know i dont have it as bad as some people but it feels like it. i hate it. me and my mom doing nothing but to try and please my dad so he doesnt get mad or anything, but it never seems to work. and im saying this stuff to have pity on me, just i have no one to say it to now. hopefully my friends tonight will help me forget about what happened or something. Current Mood: angry, want to fuck someone up Current Music: Blue and Yellow ~ The Used

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July 3rd, 2004

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07:08 pm - Yea! Take this quiz, i thought it was a good one! -Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend. What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

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July 2nd, 2004

08:44 am - Well Let me tell you LI is so much fun from june 27 to the 30. But never go to any part of the hamptons such as east, south, bridgehampton because you don't belong there unless you have a freakin bmw, benz, porshe don't try cuz it aint happenin. and i only saw like 2 cars hooked up there WTF? u think u would see tons bc they are rich bitches out there. i did get to see spielberg's and martha stewarts house, not that its a big deal. YEA it is son! while i was there we went to all these private places. we jumped off docks, went to this beach and got all these conch(conk) shells. and not that i have 2 of them they smell and dont know what to do. lol. and everytime i jumped in or went under the water in the ocean my top alweyas came off wtf is up with that? down there we chilled with my friends cousin who showed us around. this kid that came down with us brought mad weed. he started with and ounce on sun and by tuesday night and so it was gone. where ever we went they all smoked except for me. i did want to try it, but didnt bc there was something saying nah. on tuesday we went to the lighthouse and climbed up it and let me tell u how much i hurt from it LOTS! all those muscles i havent used in like forever got me shaken when i came down from it. to bad they werent sore from something else. AHAH and after the lighthouse we went for a walk and went to the sand dunes they weere pretty cool and high. the kids were trying to hit seagulls off it. then the boys went and broke into the tower with a satellite on it that was used in WWII. they are carazy and they wanted us to go in there i was like no way bc my ass was not getting caught. after that we went to the place where u could buy fresh seafood and saw lobsters the size of lil pet dogs. and while we were there the boys got 2 things of french fries and were makin the seagulls come up to the tables and eat it. then one of the boys threw out a cup of hot mustard and the idiot seagul ate the lil' paper cup with it. what a fuckin stupid animal. and it was like chokin which was mad funny. the funniest thing i saw that day. then i got home on wed night around 9:30pm and i just got into my car and sara calls me to come to mady's apt. so after i stopped home i went there for a bit. i get there and it looks like im so drunk bc of how tired i am. ahah. and i surprised chris bc i was supposed to call him when i got home and didnt bc i i found out he was there and i told her not to say anything and like a good slut she didnt. last night i hung out with sara and we got gas, then walked around the high school to get some exercise in. we did this before we went to mady's bc we had nothing better to do, then went back to her house waiting till 9, and rocked the super nintendo. hell yea biotch! after that we waited till ran got there and went to chill with the boys. and was there till about 11:15 or so. fun night RIGHT! now i have to work at 10am so imma chill till then and talk to ya'll lata. and pray that i get to go to boston in sunday PLEASE! Current Mood: calm Current Music: Amber ~ 311

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June 27th, 2004

12:50 am - Woooh! It was a good night! went to the movies and saw dodgeball! HILARIOUS, i recommend it to anyone and everyone. i went with crhis, ck, laurie, loni, & puffy. And on the way home in my car was me, chris, ck and laurie. what a riot! only if you knew what happened. but on the way to the mall chris was driving my car and all of a sudden i was like DEER. so that was a close one, those fuckin stupid creatures. lately i have been hangin out with chris and sara and all those other important people. what a good time everything turns out to be. especially that party at mikes when those idiots left. AHAH. chris is such a nice guy. he knows how to treat someone. i have never had someone open the car door for me EVER or even unlock my door then open it. im not used to it. i am starting to like him so much, i hope something more evolves because that would be awesome. this is the 5th night in a row we hung out, that insane! but i love it. whenever im with him someplace he always pays and this is the 2nd this week he paid for me! how awesome is he? and now i have to get packing for Montauck, long island. i will be going there for 4 days leaving sun and come back on wednesday sometime. i cant wait bc i have never been there and its going to be so much fun i just know it. maybe i will do some wild and crazy things there! haha, like the type of things like girls gone wild! J/K to all my friends who will say things. ha. hmm, what else is going on. nothing else really, but wait! i had my first complaint at work about me bc i had an ATITUDE! dont you love it! i do bc the lady was an asshole anyways, and yet she was nice to my face when i checked her out! oh well she is a bitch and needs to worry about herself and not others. I will miss all my friends while im away! Have a good time without me! Current Mood: excited

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